hell yes lets make some ravioli
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
