oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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