we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
