Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
