He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
