Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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