careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
