I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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