Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
