My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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