This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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