Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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