He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
