dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
