based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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