I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
