Duck Duck Cougar?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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