If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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