i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
