you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize