Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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