well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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