I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
