I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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