i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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