Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
