you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
