it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
