Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wear drunk well.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
