I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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