Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
