The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
