I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
