Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
