At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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