Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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