Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
