But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
