he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
