So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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