Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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