There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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