i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
