; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
