just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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