I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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