U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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