yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
