we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
