Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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