dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
