The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
