Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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