When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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