dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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