how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
