i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
