youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
