you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
