i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
