I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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