What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
