I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
