My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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