Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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