we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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