Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
