what day is it and did you see me today?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize