i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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