If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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