I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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