So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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