Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
