I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
