I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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