Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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