No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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