So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
